How far are you willing to compromise?

In marriage, most women feel they are not being given the chance to voice out their mind nor have their way.  As a result of this, they got bottled up with one problem or the other. And once an opportunity opens up to speak up, they hardly let go of their stance. In some extreme cases it has led to a couple of divorce. It is a fact that reaching a compromise in a marriage is one hurdle that most married women face, and it has become a threat to the stability of the marriage and home front.

Obviously, married life requires lots and lots of compromise if it is to work, hence challenges in marriage is inevitable. Their must be compromises in a marriage even if it means learning it from the very moment we get married or after some years of heated debate. Compromise is something we all eventually have to discover as one of the pillars of marriage. True compromise in marriage is one done without nagging, succeeding it all day; but compromise should come without resentment.

Compromise involves two parties where one gives up something he/she values for the benefit of the marriage. Nowadays, you find out that compromise is being neglected especially by the women because they feel if they compromise, they are giving up their right and this starts to be the beginning of crisis in the home. Compromise is not the easiest thing in the world to do. For those who are married- well, compromise sound pretty on paper or in spoken, but it is one thing that you must be willing to adopt and make use of in your life for things to go on smoothly.

How do we achieve compromise without resentment? First and foremost, we should understand that agreeing to differ is sometime an option, which simply means each party holding up to his understanding. But if you both agree to that, don’t hang onto any anger or bitterness for each other. The second thing to remember is that your spouse should come before other relationships. We have had a million times and more that marriage is about give and take. The two people must work together. There is a saying that goes thus- ‘there can never be two captains in a ship’. So is it in a marriage, it is not always possible for both persons to have their way. Therefore, sometimes one person gives and the other takes, and most important the woman must be willing to do most of the giving, especially in terms of decision making.  Of course this works better if both people get to experience both the giving and the taking.

People often talk of a successful marriage being a successful partnership based on a healthy mutual give and take. When you try to reach a compromise in your marriage then, you both will be giving your marriage all of the commitment and effort it deserves. While giving in to compromise is important, you should be willing to sacrifice completely sometimes as well, for the sake of the peace of your marriage. It is important to realize that without compromise, arguments can flare up easily and feelings of bitterness will begin to prop up. You must understand that compromise in your marriage is when you move from competition to cooperation in an argument. It is about finding a common ground where both of you are willing to agree on a particular situation, or issue and forge ahead in life. You will need to learn to compromise on many things because there are times when we must give in to the opinion of others for the benefit of the relationship and the general peace of everyone involved.

Ba a san maci tuwo ba sai miya ta kare

Jam’iyyar PDP, wacce ake cewa  ta fi ko wacce girma da kasaita a Nahiyar Africa, ta yi babban taronta a karo na tara, inda aka ce ta nannada sababbin shugabanninta na kasa baki daya da za su ja ragamarta nan da wasu shekaru hudu masu zuwa. Amma sai dai abin mamaki game da wannan taron shine yadda ‘ya’yan jam’iyyar ba su nuna wani zumudi ko wata murna game da taron ba, kuma haka nan aka watse wasu na cewa tir; wasu kuma na cewa madalla. A takaice dai ana iya cewa yabon da aka yi wa jam’iyyar da ‘ya’yanta wajen shirya wannan taron bai kai yawan fallasar da aka yi ta yi ba, musamman saboda rashin armashin tsarin gudanar da taron da kuma kurar da hakan ta tayar.

Akan ce zai yi wuya a gasa kaza sannan a yar, ba za a ci ba. Irin abin da ya faru kenan bayan kammala nade-naden da suka biyo zazzare idanun da aka yi wa ‘yan takaran mukamai da yawa don su janye, su bar ‘ya’yan mowan da ake kira shafaffu da mai su tsaya takarar da za a ce sun janye ba tare da wata hamaiya ba. Bamanga Tukur, wanda aka yi ta kai ruwa rana don yin rufa-rufa da kumbiya-kumbiya wajen tsayar da shi takarar shugabancin jam’iyyar, aka bar shi, shi kadai don ya yi cara ba tare da wani ya kalubalance shi ba, shi ne kuma ya kalubalanci shugabannin jam’iyyar a jawabin amincewa da gatar da aka yi masa na hayewa karagar jam’iyyar da ba irinta a Najeriya, wanda a ciki ya yi jirwaye mai kama da wanka.

Duk da cewa ya nuna godiyarsa ga iyayen gidansa, wadanda suka dafa masa, amma ya nuna cewa jam’iyyar ta PDP ba sahihiya ba ce, ana tafka ta’asa da aikata kaba’irai wajen gudanar da harkokinta, kuma wajibi ne a yi gyararrakin da za su magance wadannan matsalolin da suka sa talakawa na guje mata kamar sabuwar kuturwa. Wadannan matsaloli kuwa sun hada da danniya da murdiya wajen bin tafarkin dimokuradiyya a harkokin sarrafa al’amuran da suka jibanci jam’iyyar, da kuma nuna wariya da bambanci wajen rarraba mukamai, da kuma rashin adalcin dake sanyawa ana yi da wasu, aka kuma mayar da wasu saniyar ware, ba a yi da su.

Wadannan muhimman batutuwa ne da bai kamata a ji sun fito daga bakin Bamanga ba, domin kuwa an ce idan maye na da hankali bai fitar da maitarsa a fili. Idan da Bamanga ya yi la’akari da yadda aka danka masa ragamar jam’iyyarsa, da bai furta haka ba, domin kuwa dukkan illolin da ya rattaba, wadanda yake kukan cewa su ne ke wahalar da jam’iyyarsu, da su ne aka yi amfani don daure masa gindi ya ci gaba da karfafa su a cikin jam’iyyar, domin kuwa ta kansu ake so ya bi don biyan bukatun wadanda suka cicciba shi hawa wannan mukamin.

Ba ma sai an dauki dogon lokaci wajen tonon silili game da yadda shuwagabannin jam’iyyar PDP suka dage lallai sai Bamanga ba, alhali kuwa ko a shiyyarsu ma sai da ‘ya’yan jam’iyyar suka karya masa tsinken tsire a ido, suka nuna masa iyakarsa a kwarya-kwaryar zaben fitar da dan takarar shugabancin jam’iyyar da aka yarjewa shiyyarsu ta fitar. Amma da yake babu gaskiya, ko da’a a cikin al’amarin siyasar kasar nan, sai gashi nan an biyo mutumin da aka kwance wa zani a kasuwa zuwa gida don a sake daura masa. Abin da haka nan ya nuna Bamanga ne kawai zai iya tankwara dokoki da ka’idojin jam’iyyar wajen share fagen sake tsayar da shugaba Jonathan takarar shugabancin kasa a 2015.

 Wannan ba wani sabon abu bane game da Bamanga, abu ne da ya saba, aka san zai iya, domin an sha yin amfani da shi wajen aiwatar da abubuwan dake cutar da jama’arsa. Ai ‘yan Arewa na sane da yadda ya haramta musu samun damar komo da mulki shiyyarsu a zaben 2011, lokacin da ya zama dan Arewa na farko da ya zake wajen goyon bayan dorewar Shugaba Jonathan, don bijire wa tsarin karba-karba na jam’iyyarsu. Ashe idan a yanzu an rama wa kura aniyarta da nadin da aka yi masa ba don komai ne ba, sai don ya ci gaba da aikin da ya fi kwarewa ne a kai, watau wawushe kafafun ‘yan siyasar Arewa, da kuma dakile burinsu na shugabancin kasar don su huce takaici, su kuma farfado da martabarsu a fagen siyasar Najeriya.

Idan kuma aka dubi take-taken jam’iyyar PDP a ‘yan shekarun da suka shude, sai a fahimci cewa ta zame tamkar makiyar Arewa da jama’arta, kuma manyan Arewa da ke cikinta sun kasance karnukan farautar ‘yan kudun da ke jan ragamarta, wadanda kuma ke kyamar dabi’u da al’adunsu da ma addininmu.  A halin yanzu dai babu wanda zai iya cewa ga makomar ‘yan Arewa a cikin jam’iyyar PDP, wacce ta gwanance wajen  yin kutun-kutun din wargaza duk wata jam’iyyar da talakawan Arewa suka runguma don tserar da su daga masifun da shugabannin cikinta ke haddasawa. Talakawan kasarnan a ko dayaushe fata suke yi Allah ya raba su da tsari ko mulki irin na jam’iyyara PDP wacce ba mai amfana da ita, daga manyan cikinta sai matansu, da farekaninsu da kawalansu da kuma karnukansu. Tuni talakawa suka dawo daga rakiyar shugabannin PDP, amma su a kullum gani suke har yanzu jama’a na tare da su, ba su kuma gane cutar da take yi musu..

Dangane da haka ana iya cewa babban taron jam’iyyar PDP da aka kamala a makon jiya ya kara fadakar da jama’ar Arewa cewa jam’iyyar PDP ba ta son mulki ya sake hauro wa Arewa, kuma babu abin da zai hana ta yi wa shugaba Jonathan aiki don ya sake darewa mulki a karo na biyu da kuma samun nasara wajen gyararrakin da ake son yi wa kundin tsarin mulki na 1999, don a kara tsawon wa’adin gwamnoni da shugaban kasa bisa mulki.

To ko wacce fuska aka kalli wannan al’amari sai a fahimci cewa, yana tattare matsalolin da za su iya tayar da zaune tsaye a kasar nan, musamman ma ganin yadda Shugaba Jonathan ke sha’awar lashe aman da ya yi na cewa, ba zai yi takara a 2015 ba, da kuma yadda ‘yan kabilar Ibo suka ja daga, suka ce idan ba za su karbi mulki ba a wannan karon to kasar ta bar zama lafiya kenan.

To gashi nan tun yanzu an ja daga kuma mai yawan rai zai yi kallon yadda za ta wanye tsakanin ‘yan shiyyar kudu maso kudu da za su nace lallai sai Jonathan ko wani nasu, da kuma Inyamurai da suka riga suka ci da zuci saboda zafin kawazucin mulki. Haka nan kuma za mu ga yadda batun addini zaiyi tasiri a 2015, domin kuwa da shi ne jam’iyyar PDP ta raba kan ‘yan Arewa har aka kaita aka baro. To idan a 2015 tsirarun shiyyar Arewa ta tsakiya, da ake kira middle belt, suka nemi tsayar da dan takaran shugabancin kasa bisa akidar addini, shin mutanen gabashin kasar da ke bin addini daya da su za su rama wa kura aniyarta kuwa daidai da yadda suka yi wa Jonathan a 2011?  Oho! Ai ba a san maci tuwo ba sai miya ta kare.

Birgimar Hankaka

Siyasar zamanin yanzu, ko kuma in ce shiga takara ta zama kamar budurwa. Idan da yarinya za ta sangame a gari ta rasa manemi, har ta zo da kanta ta durkusa tana rokonka fuskar ta cike da hawaye sharkaf, cewa don Allah don Annabi ka rufa mata asiri ka aure ta, wata ma idan ba a gari guda kuke ba har ta yayimo kwamutsanta ta dawo domin kai, amma da zarar ka amince da kyar, to shikenan daga wannan lokaci da kace ka amince, kaine kuma ke neman ta, ba ita ce ke neman ka ba. Wato daga nan kai ne za ka rika zuwa  wurinta zance, ka rika yi mata toshi, da kayan Sallah, idan yar makaranta ce, da sayayyar makaranta, kai ne kuma har ila yau za ka rika buga mata waya akai-akai, har ka kai ga yin kayan aure da bayar da sadaki. Tunda har ka shiga, to kai ne maneminta ba ita ce manemiyar ka ba. Duk wata wahala da ake yi wa ‘ya mace sai kayi iya bakin kokarin ka domin ka ga ka yi mata. Amma duk da haka ta rika jin cewa kai ne ka ke morewa ba ita ba, kuma ta rika ganin cewa ko a yanzu aka kawo ta gidan ka, ma kai aka taimaka wa, ba ita da tun da fari ka amince da kyar cewa za ka rufa mata asiri ka aure ta ba. Kai karshe ma ana kan haka, idan ka sake ta ci karo da wani wanda ya dan fi ka abin duniya to sai dai ka ji a salansa.

To haka ma siyasa take. Ban ce a da can ba, amma dai a halin yanzu haka take. Idan duk ‘yan garinku za su rika yiwo tawaga-tawaga, mota-mota suna zuwa wurinka, suna rokonka ka shiga siyasa ka yi takara, domin sun lura kana da kishi, kuma kai me kamanta gaskiya ne, to kyawunta kada ka kuskura ka amsa. Muddin dai ka kuskura ka amince, to shikenan ka zama kaine mai neman mukami. Daga nan sai a rika kiran ka ‘’mai neman mukami kaza a cikin jam’iyya kaza’’. Kai da aka neme ka, yanzu kuma reshe ya juye da mujiya, ana cewa kaine ka ke nema. Haka za a zuba maka ido, duk inda kudi suke sai ka yi ta fadi-tashin neman su kana batar da su ta hanyar su wadannan da suka yi ta rokonka ka zo ka shiga siyasa don ka ceto su. Tamkar dai yadda ita yarinyar nan da ta rokeka ka shiga neman ta, ita ce kuma za ta rika more kashe kudin da kake mata tun kafin ta shigo gidan ka.

To kaine mutane suka farauto ka, ka zo ka yi takara don ka yi musu aiki, domin sun lura kai mai kishi ne da tausayin jama’a, amma kuma sai ka nemo kudi duk inda suka shiga kana raba musu kafin su yi maka aikin da za a zabe ka. Duk da haka kuma, idan Allah yasa ka ci zabe a yi tsammanin ba za ka fara neman mai da kudin da ka kashe na lokacin kyamfe ba. Tabdi jan! ai idan ba wani mala’ika Allah ya saukar daga sama ba, babu wani mahalukin da ba haka zai yi ba. Haka ma idan dan takara yana da mutum daya, ko kuma (god father) a turance, wanda ya dauke masa duk nauyin wahalhalunsa na yakin neman zabe, to shima mutum dayannan fa yana so a ce bayan an gama kuma an ci nasara, to a maida masa abin da ya kashe duka gami da riba mai tsoka a kayi. Kai idan ma karo-karo, ko kuma taimako ‘yan uwa da abokan arziki suka yi ta bai wa dan takarannan, to za su so bayan ya hau mulki, ya maida musu abin da suka kashe masa da kuma nasu ribar.

Ire-iren wadannan munanan tsare-tsare da aka bijiro dasu, suke zama takin habbaka masifun da al’ummomi suka kasa yin ban-kwana da su a wannan kasar, musamman ma mu talakawa. Matsaloli kamar su rashin ingantattun shugabanni masu kaifin hankali da hangen nesa, da cin hanci da rashawa, da tsabar ha’inci da sace-sacen dukiyar talakawa. Duk wadannan sun samo asali ne a sakamakon son zuciyar shugabanni, da kuma son kan talakawan da ba sa iya tabuka komai don hanawa. Mafita a nan kuwa, lallai ne gama garin al’umma da sauran tsirarun ‘yan siyasa masu ingiza mai kantu ruwa, a zauna a yi karatun ta-nutsu, a zamo masu hankali a jika, ba masu hankali a hannun riga ba, kuma a daina walle-walle. Idan ba haka ba to kullum za a yi ta nanata ‘yar gidan jiya ne. Wato lalume cikin duhu, da kuma dan da-na-sani. A rika lura da karin maganar malam Bahaushe inda yace, ‘’duk wanda ya shiga motar kwadayi to sai ya sauka tashar wulakanci’’. Sannan masu hakima sun ce; ‘’indai ja gaban ka hankaka ne, to kada ka yi kuka in ya bi da kai ta hanyar mushe’’. Kuma suka ce ‘’ko me ya yi ciki im bai mutu da ciki ba zai haife, in son kai ya yi ciki har ya haihu bai mutu ba, zai haifi kiyayya, in ko kiyayya ta yi ciki har ta haihu ba ta mutu ba, to za ta haifi gaba, gaba ko takan haifi bala’i. Idan lalaci ya yi ciki har ya haihu bai mutu ba,  zai haifi rashi. A karshe ni ko na kara da cewa, ‘’ai jiki magayi; shan taban dan Korau’’.

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SAKIYAR DA BA RUWA

by Alyasa'a Hassan on Friday, 23 March 2012 at 05:33 ·

''Najeriya ce kasar da muke da ita, ba mu kuma da wacce ta fi ta. Wajibi ne mu kasance a cikin ta, mu kuma hada kai wajen kyautata makomarta ta hanyar tserar da ita daga dukkanin fitintunun da ke addabar ta''. Wadannan sune kalmomin da manjo-Janar Muhammadu Buhari ya rufe jawabinsa na farko da su, a ranar 31 ga watan Disamba 1983, sa'ilin da ya damki ragamar mulkin kasar nan wanda gungun wasu Janarori suka mika masa bayan sun hambarar da gwamnatin farar hula ta Alhaji Shehu Shagari. A cikin jawabin Janar Buhari ya tabo matsalolin da suka hana kasarmu kasaita, cikinsu kuwa harda rashin hadin kan 'yan Najeriya da rikicin kabilancin da ya biyo bayan sakamakon zaben da aka yi watanni uku kafin a kai ga haka, da kuma tsabar rashawa da ta haddasa tabarbarewar tattalin arzikin da ya jefa jama'a cikin bakar wahalar da har yanzu aka kasa magancewa.
To gwamnatin Janar Buhari, da ta yi watanni goma sha tara a bisa karaga tana hobbasan ganin an kyautata al'amurar da ke wanzuwa domin talaka ya sarara, ba ta samu sukunin kawar da matsalolin da su ka sanya shi furta wadancan kalmomin ba tun farkon hawansa mulki, hasali ma kamari suka yi, suka buwaya, har sai da suka yi sanadiyyar hambarar da shi. Kasar kuma ta tsunduma cikin wani mugun yanayi mai rikitarwa da kuma tsoratarwa.
Gwamnatocin da suka biyo baya basu tabuka komai ba wajen mayar da Najeriya kasar da 'ya'yanta za su yi alfahari da ita ba, maimakon haka ma sai suka dukufa wajen saukaka dabaru da inganta hanyoyin rashawa da cin hanci, sannan kuma kwararrun ma'aikatan da aka horar da su da dukiyar talakawa ba su bi shawarar Janar Buhari ba game da bukatar da akwai wajen sadaukar da kai a gina kasa, domin sun yi ta sulalewa suna ficewa zuwa kasashen ketare inda za su samu sa'ida daga wahalhalun da suka kunno kai. Daga nan ba mai sha'awar tsayawa don tserar da ita daga fitintunun dake addabar ita. Haka nan kuma akwai gwamnatin da ta shekara takwas bayan ta Buhari babu wani abin da ta tsinana sai haddasa masifun da suka rarraba kawunan jama'ar kasa, aka daina kishin kasa, aka koma biye wa son zuciya da tsananin son kai, kowa kuma ya koma tunanin shiyyar da ya fito, da yadda za a dauki matakan hana sauran jama'ar sassan kasar cin arzikin da ba su da irin sa a yankunansu, ta yadda kowa zai jefa kifin da ya kamo cikin gorarsa.
Dalili kuwa shine wasu 'yan kudancin da ke da arzikin man fetur a shiyyarsu na yi wa 'yan wasu sashi na kasar kallon cima-zaune, wadanda basu tabuka komai wajen samar da arzikin kasa, sai dai su wanke goma su tsoma biyar idan an yi rabon arzikin kasa da su, don haka ba abin da ya fi dacewa sai kawai a kore su daga Najeriya. Wannan ne ya karfafa gwiwowin wasu matasan hafsoshin soji a karkashin Manjo Gideon Orkar har suka nemi hambarar da gwamnatin mulkin soja ta wani janar din Arewa, ranar 22 ga watan afrilun 1990, da niyyarsu na yakace shiyyar arewacin kasar nan daga tarayyar Najeriya, inda Musulmi suka yi katutu. Allah bai basu ikon haka ba, kuma har yanzu masu wannan ra'ayin ba su hakura ba, suna nan a kan bakarsu ta ganin an tsattsaga Najeriya, an ga bayan al'umman Arewar da ake kyamar addininsu, dalilin haka kuma ake ci gaba da tozarta su.
An sha daukar matakai iri-iri a lokutan mulkin Janarorin soji, musamman ma a zamanin mulkin Janar Abacha, lokacin da al'umman shiyyar Kudu-maso-Yamma suka dage wajen taka masa birki, suka rika hada baki da gwamnatocin kasashen Turai da Amurka wajen kuntata masa a kokarinsu na sai sun ga bayan sa. A lokacin ne suka dage wajen kafa kungiyar neman tsarin dimokuradiyya a kaikaice, mai suna NADECO wacce ke son a yi taron da zai samar da sukunin aiwatar da waccan muguwar manufa ta Manjo Orkar, da nufin rarraba kasar don su samu tasu Jamhuriyar da suke kira Odu'a, ko kuma Naija a yanzu don yin ban-kwana da wadanda suka kira masu mayar da hannun agogo baya, marasa sha'awar ci gaban Najeriya.
A mulkin Janar Abdussalam ma ba su hakura da wannan hankoron ta su ba. Sun kuma yi nasarar razana 'yan arewar da ke rike da mulki har sai da su ka mika musu mulkin cikin ruwan sanyi. Wannan ne matakin farko na gurgunta Arewa da jama'ar ta, kafin nan gaba a kai ga ingiza keyarsu ficewa daga tarayyar Najeriya. Bayan subucewar mulki daga hannun 'yan Arewa sai suka zame tamkar kifin da aka fitar daga ruwa, ba kuma wani abin da za su iya yi. Shi yasa jim kadan bayan Janar Olushegun Obasanjo ya hau mulki sai aka fara tunanin rarraba kan jama'ar Arewa ta hanyar addinin Musulunci domin daga bisani a ji dadin tarwatsa su. Nan take sai 'yan kudun da aka mika wa mulki suka bi, su ka kuma shishshigewa gwamnonin Arewa, suka nemi su jaddada shari'ar Musulunci a jihohinsu, amma sun yi hakan ne ba don sha'awar habakar Musulunci ba, sai dai don a ta da zaune tsaye, a tayar da fitinar da za ta farraka musulmin Najeriya. Cikin dan kankanen lokaci sai kuma makiya musulmi da Arewa suka fara zuga mabiya addinin kirista da kada su amince da shari'ar musulunci a yankunansu, har ta kai sai da aka yi ta katulan-makatulan tsakanin musulmi da kirista kan abin da kundin tsarin mulki bai haramta wa musulmi ba. Yanzu ga shi nan wancan dambarwar da aka sha yi kan Shari'a ta raunana matsayin musulmi, an kuma mance da batun aiki da ita, kuma zai yi wuya nan gaba wani ya sake bugun kirji ya ce zai karfafa shari'ar musulunci domin za a ce fitina kawai yake son tayarwa, a yi masa taron dangi a matsayin dan ta'adda.
Har yanzu dai ana nan kan wannan bakar manufar ta kuntata wa 'yan Arewa domin kuwa ana son yin taron da zai sa a mayar da musulmin kasar saniyar ware don a ji dadin korarsu daga tarayyar Najeriya, su koma can inda za su yi ta yin shari'ar musulunci don a huta da fitintunun da aka ce suna tayarwa da sunan Boko Haram.
A yanzu dai babu wanda zai iya hakikancewa ga yadda Najeriya zata kasance nan da 'yan shekaru masu zuwa, domin kuwa wani abu da zai janyo fitinar wargajewar ta na iya faruwa a ko wane lokaci. To, idan haka ya faru mutanen gabashi ba su da wata damuwa domin kuwa sun dade suna neman farfadowar kasar Biafra da suka nemi balle ta daga tarayyar Najeriya tun shekarar 1967. Su ma mutanen yamma a shirye suke su daukaka Jamhuriyar Oduduwa da suka dade suna jiran kafuwar ta idan Najeriya ta balbalce. To mu mutanaen Arewa wacce muke ciki? Sai a ranar tafiya ce za mu fafe gora, a fara hauma-hauma game da dorewar kasar da za a kafa cikin hanzari ba wani sanannen ciki? Babu wani kwakkwaran shiri dai da 'yan Arewa ke yi game da wannan batu, domin an fi mayar da hankula ne kan rikice-rikicen addini da kabilanci da ke ta rarraba kan jama'ar Arewar.
Ya dai kamata 'yan Arewa mu daga barci mu san cewa akwai wadanda ke tunanin cewa suna da wata kasa daban da Najeriya, wato masu neman kawo karshen zaman tarayya da ciyayya irin na cude-ni-in cude-ka don magance dukkan matsalolin cikinta. Bai kamata ba 'yan Arewa mu sake ayi mana sakiyar da ba ruwa idan an zo rabuwa.
Naku Alyasa'a Hassan ke muku fatan Alheri.